So, I’ve been going strong for a little while now with my porn addiction recovery. Things have been going well. I’ve been doing a lot, involved in helping others, pursuing opportunities, building a new life out of the rubble. But, I have been walking softly because I knew things would not always be this easy. I wondered when the temptation would come for me. Well, it came. There were a few things all at once that began to trigger my desire to go back to porn. I also started to get a cold and that made my body weak and tired. I was home alone and had the opportunity to take the familiar pill that would “make everything better”. But, I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to fight through it this time instead of just giving in. I chose to read about temptation in some books I have about it.
The things I read pointed me toward study of God’s word and, especially, prayer. I was actually able to pray the temptation away. I also used some promises to help. I am so blessed by God’s grace. I am seeing more and more just how powerful and good it is.
But, it wasn’t easy. I had to really make the choice to follow through. I’m glad I did now.
I’ve noticed that there is something inside me that still needs to be taken care of too. There is still a brokenness in there. Something is needing healing. I have figured out that there is a kind of nagging loneliness inside me. I’m introverted and I often feel misunderstood. I feel like it’s hard to relate to others in truly deep and meaningful ways. It’s hard for me to fully express myself.
This stuff needs to be repaired. I’m getting involved with a new Celebrate Recovery program that we’re starting at my church. I’m hoping I can be used by God in a powerful way and also find the healing I need at the same time.
I’m really longing for heaven where there won’t be any walls between human beings–where we will all be fully healed!