In my last post, I focused on how my addiction to porn and lust had partially paralyzed me spiritually. Today, I want to focus on another aspect of life that is paralyzed by addiction–that is, a subtle aspect of joy.
It’s not that an addict can NEVER find joy. There are moments. But, I’ve found something returning to my life that I didn’t even realize had gone. The best way I can describe it is in using a list of words. It’s kind of a nuance that is difficult to really explain. Basically, the best synonyms are “life’s”:
luster
sparkle
vibrancy
shine
splendor
verve
punch
radiance
brilliance
shimmer
magnificence
grandeur
Without this essence, life becomes somewhat dull and mundane. I thought it was just a result of maturing and so I settled for it, but it is starting to return to my life like tiny raindrops falling here and there. Therefore, it must have been due to my addiction that I wasn’t experiencing it. I want to share a video I watched yesterday that I felt really captures this subtle essence very well. It’s very short, so I encourage you to click on it now before reading the rest of this post.
Kids seem to have this subtle awe that can be lost. I remember when I was young how exciting it was to go on a vacation and to know that you were going to be staying in a hotel WITH AN INDOOR POOL! I remember getting so excited about things that were going to happen that I couldn’t sleep. I remember experiencing things in my childhood that were so awe-inspiring that I could hardly contain my joy. I believe addiction strips this away. But I’m finding that it can also be restored. Maybe not to the same extent as this little girl is experiencing it or as you had as a child–but enough to bring a great amount of joy back into our adult lives.
My last post was a negative motivation to get out of addiction. But, this post presents a very positive motivation. Finding this restored joy in the “little things” or in the magnificence of life is so important to our well-being. I’m really excited to see this develop more and more in my life and I do not want to go back to my addiction and lose it all again.
It has been a long time since I’ve wanted to do anything besides just sit around on the computer or sleep. Doing anything else was laborious and simply something I had to do. But, now life’s splendor is returning and I’m just beginning to wake up again to the reality that there is a beauty to be sought, a playground to be explored, people to interact with, and so forth. I’m hoping this will grow–I’ll keep you posted!
“It is never too late to have a happy childhood.” –Tom Robbins
Men's Guide to Freedom from Porn and Lust 
I am amazed at the honesty and courage of your blog!
This is so informative and narrative (easy to read at that),
I feel so many people in general could be helped by your words!!
Wow!
Fantastic!
Michelle
Thanks for the encouragement! Someday I’m planning to write a book about overcoming porn addiction (and addiction in general). I’ve been a student of my own recovery. I’ve found it to be the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced and yet one of the most fascinating!
I really think you should not only write a book but plan speaking engagements.
It is a struggle so many have,
Yet the world says its ok.
You are a great witness
My husband missed out on *SO* much during the 5 years when he was really acting out with his addiction. He missed so much. Many “firsts” with our children. He almost destroyed his relationship witho our oldest son (now 11 but between the ages of 6-9 were bad for them). Because of his selfishness and his addiction. I’d have to beg, drag, plead for him to do things with us. The kids were an annoyance.
Now, life is so very different. He enjoys playing with them, talking with them (He never used to talk much with them). He missed out on so much those years. ANd it saddens me. But he’s trying so hard to make up for it now. And that matters a lot.
That’s really sad… but I’m glad he’s trying to turn things around. I hope your family can continue to heal!
We are trying every day. Basically what it came down to was that living that double life was too overwhelming for him. He couldn’t handle it. He was always in high alert mode. His workplace became his trigger because that’s where his acting out took place most of the time and all his AP’s were employee’s. He was NOT happy, he was conflicted. And we took the brunt of that.
But he’s really working on changing all of that and trying to make up for the time he lost.