“Addiction and the Caged Beast”

We made our move from little old Sonora to Ventura last week.  On the way, I borrowed an audio book to listed to called, “Stalked”.  It was a very exciting and interesting book.  But, there is one part in it that stuck with me the most.  

Toward the end, there is a conversation that occurs between Tony (the counselor) and Maggie regarding the psychology of serial killers.  In my mind, it speaks to more than just murderers–but many, if not all, addictive pathologies.  The conversation goes like this:

Maggie:  “…could we be looking at the same ‘perp’?”

Tony:  “After 10 years–that’s a long time between crimes”

Maggie:  “But it DOES happen–I mean–serial killers sometimes wait that long?”

Tony:  “yes–it depends on if they can find some other way to resolve their pathology–something that provides a similar sense of power or release.”

Maggie:  “How would a rapist and a murderer resolve his pathology?”

Tony:  “There are many ways… it depends on the individual.  The perpetrator needs to find a substitute for his deviant behavior–something that satisfies his underlying need for power and control.  The BTK Killer in Wichita wound up as a leader in his church.  The social status he had in that role was apparently enough to keep him from committing more murders for many years.”

Maggie:  “That sounds too easy.”

Tony:  “no, it’s not easy at all.  Keep in mind that most of these killers WANT to control their violence.  They live a constant mortal struggle between good and evil.  Some control their impulses all their lives–others fail.  The lucky ones find a way to cage the beast.”

Any addict can see that truth in that conversation!  I’ve found it to be true in my life.  I have seen my addiction go undercover many times only to return later–sometimes much later.  The longest it has been dormant was during my first years as a new Christian and church leader.  This was mentioned in the conversation.  It’s made me wonder if maybe some of my passion for ministry may have been a need for control and power.  I’ve never really seen myself as that kind of leader, but it could be there at some level.  I’m trying to be honest with myself about that.

Now that I’m in school again, the desire for porn and lust has subsided somewhat again.  I’m busy with classes and life.  There’s not much time for my addiction.  So, as I thought about finding a group here in my new area, I was finding that I wasn’t all that interested because it seemed like my problem was not an issue right now.  But, on the other hand, I also recognize that that beast is still present within me–it’s just caged right now.

My only remaining hope is that the beast can be slain.  I’ve seen it caged over and over in my life.  But, it always has come out roaring again eventually.  I would love to see it either tamed or destroyed.  That is my hope.

So, I’m planning to go check out some of the Celebrate Recoveries here.  I hope I’ll find one I like.  I hope I won’t have the same nightmare experience I had previously.  I hope I will find the help I need.  I hope…

This entry was posted in Pornography Addiction and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to “Addiction and the Caged Beast”

  1. God will see you through this. You accept your weakness, He gives you strength to stand. I’m a recovering alcoholic. In AA’s Big Book it doesn’t say that if you feel pressed to drink to call your sponsor or go to a meeting. It says to ask God to remove the thought immediately. It works. Christ lives in your heart by faith. If those images come into your head, respond to them with “greater is he that is in me than porn, or dope, or alcohol, or whatever the addiction. 1john4:4 blessings to you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s