“How to Give up Porn, revisited”

So, last time I talked about giving up masturbation as a great way to begin recovery from porn addiction.  I don’t know that everyone would agree with me that masturbation is a bad thing, but I want to revisit how this all works.

Porn is like the fuel that feeds the furnace.  It usually doesn’t seem to be an end in itself, but rather, a means to an end.  The orgasm from masturbation is more of the reward being sought.  I think if you spend some time contemplating this, you will acknowledge that the orgasm tends to be the end of the cycle–which then begins again at a later time as stress or whatever triggers you builds up.  But, it always seems that new resolutions to quit porn come after the orgasm.  So, then, the masturbation is a part of the equation that needs to be thought about.

What I’ve found to be true is that when masturbation is no longer in the equation, porn is no longer necessary for me.  There is nothing to fuel.  If I were to add the fuel of porn in my life and not practice masturbation, I would feel very dissatisfied because the porn would fall flat without the reward of the orgasm at the end.

Strangely, once I got rid of the masturbation, my porn addiction became much more manageable.  You just have to make that decision that you will no longer practice masturbation to see what I mean.

So, with that said, how complex is all of this?  Some will say, you need therapy.  Some will say you need a group.  Some will say you need to turn off your internet, etc.  I’ve not found these things to be necessary in my own recovery.  In a previous post, I discussed the research that seems to show clearly that MOST people will quit porn on their own without a group or without therapy.  I found that truth to be a very freeing concept. That doesn’t mean you won’t benefit from a group or from therapy.  If you feel you would, then go for it!  But, I’m not sure it’s absolutely essential for everyone.  

There ARE other complex issued that go along with this as I mentioned.  It’s not only porn that is the problem.  I’ve found in my life that I have issues with how I relate to women.  As I’ve shared in my personal story, girls were the center of my life from a very young age.  I think I learned to cover up my anxieties and hangups with relationships.  Even now that I’m married, I still feel like I try to create relationships with females in a flirty way that makes me feel “better”.  That is probably an area where therapy could help.  But, I’m also finding that just learning about having healthier relationships with women has been helping.  Learning about boundaries, appropriate conduct and conversation, guarding the heart, etc. are all good things.  

I currently have friends from school who are female.  We spend a lot of time together studying and hanging out.  It has actually been good for me to learn to manage my emotions with them.  Before, porn had so skewed my ongoing thoughts about women that I found my emotions going everywhere when I interacted with women.  Now, I’m finding I can actually sort them out better and kind of rebuild what so many years of struggling with porn destroyed.

As far as lust goes.  Well, hot girls are everywhere!  That can’t be avoided.  It’s important to try to tame the wandering eyes and to manage the thoughts.  I’ll probably address the thought thing in a future post, but for now I just wanted to stress the importance of taking steps forward.  You CAN overcome porn–it doesn’t have to be as difficult as you think!  Start taking steps today.

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