Here’s an update on how my first week went after telling my crush how I felt about her:
So, everything started off pretty well! At clinical, we were just friends again. My feelings for her were under control. I was really happy that she didn’t seem to be treating me any differently. She would kind of joke when she went to pinch me or something that, “oh yeah, we’re not doing that anymore”. I appreciate that she is making an effort to help me out with my runaway feelings.
We were getting along very well, in fact, and it really felt good to be “just friends”. Then, a couple days ago, she came to class in a dress that I really liked. It was kind of short and a little revealing and my favorite color. Her hair looked really nice and she just kind of seemed to get everything right that day and I found it kind of attractive. I liked it! But, I didn’t want to like it! So, that posed a little problem.
But, by the next day, I was over it. I still have a lot to learn. In some ways, I think it’s best if I keep as much distance between me and her as I can. It definitely helps. When I’m around her, I still enjoy it. She’s a really nice girl and she’s fun to be around. But, I know I’m still kind of sensitive to her.
There are times I can’t really avoid being with her–at clinical, in our study group, etc. And there are times I can avoid being with her but don’t choose to. I’m still carpooling with her. But, I’m finding that I just have to work all of these things out and it takes some time. When I’m with her, I’m trying not to be flirty with her like I used to. But, there’s a balance between not flirting and still being a fun person to be around. I’m trying to create that balance. I feel happy because I think I’m making progress.
My wife still doesn’t really like us being around each other. But, she is doing good at trying to exercise trust. She is also trying to be understanding about the situation and the attempts I’m making to do better. She has given me permission to study with her and I have told her that she can come along any time if she wants to or just pop in. I feel like that adds a bit of transparency to the situation. We’re only studying maybe once a week now where it used to be two or three.
That’s about it. I’m going to post a really good article I found recently about steps you can take to guard yourself from getting a crush in the first place. I need to be practicing these steps very carefully. Look for the new post soon!