How to Prevent or Reverse a Crush… the Mistakes I Made (#5-7)

My last post covered the first four rules to preventing or reversing a crush.  The rules are taken from an interesting article written by Gary and Joy Lundberg.  This post will pick up with the next few rules.

#5  Chatting on the internet with someone of the opposite sex

According to the article, “Some have engaged in what they considered innocent talk with a former boyfriend or girlfriend from high school or college days, or even a stranger. One thing can lead to another and before you know it, your marriage is in jeopardy.”

My crush and I were somewhat careful about this rule because there was something scary about having our conversation permanently recorded.  At one point, in the middle of it all, I deleted all of the Facebook messages between us.  It just so happened that my wife noticed that which turned into a major problem.  She accused me of destroying some kind of incriminating evidence.  The truth was that I got rid of them because I didn’t want my wife to see them because she was always hurt whenever she would see them.  They were usually harmless conversations, but just the fact that we were having conversations at all was frustrating to my wife.  So, I just got rid of them so there wouldn’t be anything to see.  Big mistake!  She never really believed my story.  Anyway, it would have been better to just not even have those online conversations in the first-place.  I have since learned!

The Lundberg’s recommendation is, “Don’t do it. It will only end in sorrow and heartbreak for your family.”

#6  Dressing to attract the attention of someone other than your spouse

I mentioned how last week my crush was looking really good on one particular day.  She wore a dress that fit really well and just happened to be my favorite color.  Her hair was done just right.  Her makeup looked nice.  She looked pretty good and I wasn’t the only one who noticed.  She received complements all day.

I don’t know if she did that intentionally for me or anything–probably not.  But, I have worn things I knew she liked just to be more attractive to her.  I’ve also noted her preference for particular colognes I’ve worn.

A few of the mistakes I’ve made have been kind of innocent and ignorant.  But, this mistake was completely intentional.  If you find yourself dressing for another guy or girl, let that be an indication that you are on the wrong track.

#7  Writing personal intimate notes or letters to someone else

I can’t believe I totally failed at all 7 rules!  This one might have been the worst!

A while back, I came across a little book entitled, “I Think I’m in Friend Love With You”.  It was a cute little book about being friends with someone of the opposite sex.  It talked about wanting to spend time chatting online with them, enjoying their company, yadda, yadda, yadda…  Pretty much all the mistakes were covered in there.  But, at the time, I thought it was an innocent way to tell her that I really liked her “as a friend”.  I bought the book for her and even added my own little notes that were customized to pinpoint some of the intimate things we had between us.  I felt like the book was fun and harmless.  But, I knew my wife would absolutely kill me if she ever found out about it.  So, I tucked it away in the bottom of my nightstand until I could wrap it up and give it to my “friend”.

Amazingly, my wife needed a note-card a couple days later and went digging in my nightstand where I keep them.  What are the odds!  She never needs note-cards!  And do you think she found the book???  OF COURSE SHE DID!!

And did she fly through the roof???  YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!!  That was one huge fight we had over that one.  My wife even threatened to take the book and give it to my friend’s husband.  Thankfully, she cooled off and I threw the book away.  But, “the book” has never gone away.  It still lingers as a hot spot in our relationship.  Whenever I am try to minimize the relationship I’ve had with this girl, my wife brings up THE BOOK.  My heart is racing just writing this story.  THE BOOK was probably the single biggest mistake I made in all of this and it will likely haunt me until the day I die.  Let this be a lesson to all of you.  Never, never, never let there be any physical evidence of your crush.  I’m not saying you should hide things from your spouse–just don’t have anything to hide.  It’s amazing the intuitive, bloodhound sense that seems to be built into spouses to just come across that piece of evidence that will completely destroy you!

Take these 7 tips very seriously.  Also, let my mistakes be a warning to you.  These 7 rules, if followed, should prevent you from developing those feelings for another woman that are very hard to wrestle with.  If you’re already struggling with those feelings for someone, start following these tips immediately.  A long-distance relationship usually dies.  So, create the distance you need to create for everything to settle.  I’m finding that the distance cools things off enough to start making right decisions and allows the emotions to balance out.  Good luck!  Be persistent and consistent!  Save your marriage!

This entry was posted in Addiction, breaking up, crushes, lust, marriage, midlife crisis, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to How to Prevent or Reverse a Crush… the Mistakes I Made (#5-7)

  1. Ed says:

    Great rules!!! It will be a help to me,because I work with many girls. Thanks.eE

  2. Jacky says:

    I’ve been following your post, I must say you are quite the writer. I do tend to agree with most of what some of the girls are saying.Another thing I can add, is that yes, there are some women who try and dress for men, but usually not when they don’t have feelings for them. Which you had already mentioned she didnt. So maybe she was just trying to look nice for her own sake. Woman like to feel pretty. I think you have a lot of insight that can hap many people-including myself. I appreciate your thoughts.

    • Hi Jacky. Thanks for following. I’m glad this is being helpful to you and others. I’ve definitely learned a lot myself! You are probably correct–she most likely wasn’t dressing for me. I had asked her why she was getting all dressed up and stuff. She said that she had been depressed and was trying to look better to make herself feel better. That makes sense and there’s no danger in that. It’s just when you have someone else in mind when you’re getting dressed that you need to start being careful. I’m sure you probably agree with that…

  3. Em says:

    LOL! Your wife!! Hard to get anything passed her! Women have great intuition! No, but seriously. Good job!

    • It’s really shockingly amazing how good her intuition is. I was like, “is she some kind of relationship ninja or something?!” It’s almost scary!! I thought for sure, she was following my blog because everytime I would reply to a comment about something sticky she would be asking me about that same thing within an hour or so. I even thought she might be posting comments under pseudonyms. But, she wasn’t! It was just her freaky ability to sense that something was rattling around in my brain and the ability to fish it out of me! I’m beginning to be really afraid of girls!! 🙂

  4. Patsy says:

    These are great rules. I’m not sure if you are still following them or not, if you are, how is it going? Have been able the keep your feelings at bay? I can feel some of your struggle in your posts. Keep it up, it does get easier.

    • Yes, I’m still following most of them. The only thing I haven’t changed is that I’m still carpooling with her alone once or twice a week. But, because I’m following the other rules, my feelings for her have cooled off and we are just back to friends again. I would say it’s going very well. Thanks for the encouragement!

  5. sam says:

    I hope you had a good week keeping your distance and following your rules? I tried,but I’m still a little too flirty. Next week!

    • Hey Sam. It’s not easy… I would say that I tried, but also didn’t do perfectly. It’s hard to change. But, I can’t give up! I was too flirty this week too, but I did okay. My feelings are in check–that’s what’s most important right now. Thanks for checking and good luck to you–keep on trying.

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