Struggling with Who You Are versus Who You Want to Be

Caged in sm

“Caged In”

I do Conceptual Art Photography as a hobby.  I created this photo with the idea that we all struggle with something.  We are all trapped in cages of addiction.  I believe that no addiction is worse than any other–they all create the feeling of powerlessness, lack of control, and sadness!  We all have things about us we would like to change.  But, we find it very difficult.  The door to our cage is wide open, yet we stay trapped inside unable to get out.

I recently watched a movie called “The Double”.  A very artistic and amazing movie about how we struggle with who we want to be versus who we are.  My favorite line from the movie is as follows:

“I know what it feels like to be lost and lonely and invisible…
I don’t know how to be myself.
It’s like I’m permanently outside myself–like you could push your hand straight through me if you wanted to.
And I can see the type of man that I want to be versus the type of man that I am and I know that I’m doing it, but I’m incapable of doing what needs to be done…
I’m like a Pinocchio…  I’m a wooden boy…
not a real boy…  and it kills me.”
What I’ve learned in my life is that we should never give up trying to be better.  I spent several years where I was in doubt that I could ever change.  I wrestled with God.  I cried in despair.  I struggled with depression and the desire to be dead.  But, a fine line of hope carried me through.  Today, I am almost daily blown away by the realization that I made it to the other side of my porn addiction.  I’m still working on the lust part, but I realize it’s progressive.
Whatever you’re struggling with, you need to know 2 things:
1)  You CAN overcome!!  Believe that.  Hold onto the hope of that fact.  Don’t ever give up–no matter how long it may have been or how much longer it will be.
2)  You are still valuable and important–even while you’re struggling.  Never give in to the idea that, because you’ve failed so many times, you are worthless.  If you are spiritual (and even if you’re not) you need to also know that God loves you even while you’re struggling.  Always remember that.  God doesn’t give up on you.  If anything, He holds you tighter!
Those two facts can be the thin threads that holds you steady in the storm.  Trust me, I’ve weathered some tough mental hurricanes and the waters are finally still.  Keep fighting!
This entry was posted in Addiction, lust, midlife crisis, Pornography Addiction and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Struggling with Who You Are versus Who You Want to Be

  1. Sam says:

    Thank you for the encouragement! I too shall press on!

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